Oh good old hypomania. Currently what I am experiencing today. Let’s go over the symptoms, shall we?
- Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity: Anxiety is low, and I don’t feel like I hate myself today. I feel like I can do anything, or a billion things today.
- Decreased need for sleep: I woke up at 4am and was sharing the shit out of memes and funny videos. I tagged Rose in a ridiculous amount of stuff…
- More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking: Rose sees this one a lot when I’m like this. I speak very quickly and keep switching topics. I often feel like I can’t talk quickly enough because my ideas are flying so fast.
- Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing: As described in the previous bullet point. In a hypomanic state, I have so many artistic ideas and start many projects that never get finished because I crash.
- Distractibility (e.g., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli): I am incredibly easy to distract in a hypomanic state. I intend to go open my calendar on my phone or look at my bank account and somehow end up farting around on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and about a billion other apps.
- Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation: In one day I have cleaned the entire house, done a bunch of art projects, done laundry, went to the grocery store, and then still had the energy to hang out with friends and stay up until 2 a.m.
- Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., the person engages in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments): Yeah all three of those. I have bought a lot of shit I don’t need, I have in the past done so really crazy shit with guys, and of course that one time I tried to do Etsy and wasted a fuckton of money on supplies and advertising. A current example of this is that my brain is like “We feel amazing, but you know what would make things even more amazing? A boyfriend! We should go on one of those dating sites again!”
The logical part of my brain be like:
The plan for today is to stay inside and do lowkey activities because what normally comes after episodes like this is a serious depressive state. Ugh. I just titrated up to my next level of dosage on the mood stabilizer on Friday, so I’m hoping over the next couple weeks I might seem some improvement in the mood cycling. It’s a pain in the ass that hypomania feels so good. Other people like it as well and that’s why it took me so long to even start getting help. When I am like this I am more bubbly and personable. It’s easier to talk to people and do well with sales at work. But it can be dangerous as well.
Happy Monday everybody!