Going to be flying back to Michigan on Friday. I will be staying at a motel for a couple of nights and packing up/donating a lot of my things on Saturday from the house. Then Sunday I will make the 8-hour drive home. Honestly, I never thought I would have to come back home and live with my mom again, but who does? I’m surprised at how calm I feel about it. It will give me the opportunity to not pay rent and save to move back downstate again. Rose and I will get to spend some quality time together as well and I am really looking forward to that. I think the reason I am ok with coming home is not having the pressure from my dad. I had Rose relay that I still needed space and my dad has mostly respected that.
Even though I feel bad, it’s freeing. Mom never really cranks on my anxiety like my dad. Her alcoholism makes me sad, but she never makes me feel bad about myself. I think it’ll be an opportunity for Mom and me to maybe bond more again. As a kid and teen for every single holiday, I was at my dad and Gram’s house. Mom never got me on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Years, or even on my birthday. I regret that, but I always felt like I HAD to go to my dad’s. I’m going to do my best to not feel pressure now. Dad is just going to have to deal with it. He’ll just nag at me and stress me out about my car, about a job, about my health even if he doesn’t mean to.
When I get home I’ll have to start looking for work. It’s a very small town, so I have limited options. I still really want to go for that residential support staff position at the local mental health center. I’m going to go for it. If I don’t get it, I’ll figure something else out. I’m not really looking forward to having to find a new doctor for the time being or a new therapist, but I absolutely can’t go without medication or support. I’m also hoping to save up for a new car. Mine has done me well for a few years now, but problems are building up. My dad would probably say for me to just keep fixing it, but I don’t have the patience for that. The underside is starting to rot out and there is something up with the engine. I’d rather get a new vehicle soon than have it die on me and I then would have no car.
Welp, that’s about all the word vomit I have for right now.